They Told Me I Am a Woman

They said I can do anything.

Who “they” are, I don’t know.

But I suppose they were right.

I’ve not yet tried something I couldn’t do. I am completely confident that with sufficient time and persistence, I could do anything.  

I don’t think that’s vain. After all, I didn’t say it would be easy. I just said I could do it. Eventually.

So they were right. I can do anything.

But they were wrong, too.

See, they also said that “can” means “should” and “anything” means “everything.”

They said I can do anything, but what I heard, what I’ve recently realized I believe, is:

  I should do everything.

I can’t be the only one who heard that. Right?

Given our societies obsession with feminism, women’s lib, girl power, and strong female characters, how could we not? How could we not feel pressure to do everything and do it perfectly? Because we can. Because we should.

I’m a stay at home mom, but I feel like I should also provide a supplementary income in some creative way that takes absolutely no time away from my son. I feel like I should be a handyman, able to fix every problem around the house myself. I should handle car problems. I should have an amazing meal prepared at the same time every night. I should pre-pack aesthetically

pleasing and healthy lunches for my husband and son. I should get plenty of exercise every day. I should make sure my husband, son and dog get plenty of exercise every day.

I should host fabulous parties with all of my friends, where everything is homemade and the table is laid out with expensive dishes and centerpieces. I should have lots of friends in the first place. I should host play groups. I should spend hours reading to my son and teach him the ABC’s now that he’s almost two. (Because we’re so so behind on Kindergarten prep.)  

I should have an entire summer of fun, age appropriate “sensory” activities (whatever that means) planned for my son. I should spend hours on crafts for our five-minute family home evening lesson, because everyone knows you can’t learn anything by simply reading scriptures together.

I should be happy all the time, but my gosh! I’m exhausted just typing all of the things I should be doing. It makes me crazy just to think about it all. And I haven’t listed a small fraction of the things floating around in my head that belong on that list.

I’m sure you have your own, very long list. I don’t know if you’re a working mom, a single mom, or if you have any kids at all, but I know you have a list.

And ladies, I truly think that we can do everything. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think so. Whether we should is another question—one that I don’t have an answer to.

But should or should not, here is my confession: I don’t want to.

There. I said it. I don’t want to. I don’t want to work to supplement our income, or fix cars, or so many other things on the list that’s been imprisoning me.

There are so many things I don’t want to do, but there are just as many that I do.

I love cooking for my family. I love reading with my son. I love spending hours on a craft for our five-minute lesson. But when I try to do everything, I end up not loving any of it.

I want to love being a mom. I want to love being a wife. I want to love being a homemaker. So I’m going to let myself love it. I’m going to joyfully fulfill those responsibilities that I choose to take on. I’m going to let my husband fulfill the responsibilities he’s chosen to take on, and we’re going to let go of the ones that aren't that important to us.

Because I’m a woman, and I can do that too.




Do you think you should do everything? What things will you let go of?

How to: Breathe

I'm really excited for today's post! It's my first guest post! Make sure you link up to my best friends blog, Momma Roars. I think you'll like it!

Step 1: Put the baby to bed.

Bath. Diaper. Bottle. Blanket. Binky.

Step 2: Take your first real breath of the day. Forget that you’ve been surviving on the short, frantic breaths of the drowning; breaths that can’t really fill you. Forget it and just breathe.

Breathe in the messy house.

Breathe out. Forget it.

Breathe in the grimy clothes.

Breathe out. Relax

Breathe in the burnt dinner.

Breathe out. Let it go.

Breathe

Forget it.

Breathe

Relax.

Breathe

Let it go. 

*Repeat Step 2 as necessary to achieve desired results. 

How to: Make Lists and Accomplish Things

Wake up motivated. Make a to-do list. Make a checklist. Make a grocery list. Make a reading list. Make any other kind of list you can think of. Pick a list and start with the easiest task on it. Check it off. Continue on to the next easiest task. Check that off. Continue in a similar manner until you've checked off everything on your list. Move on to another list. Do not forget to intermittently pause and check on the baby! That’s important. If you finish everything on every list, make more lists.*

Work. Check.  Work. Check. Wor…Pause! The baby is crying. Feed him lunch. Forget to eat. Make a bottle and put the baby in his crib with it. He needs to wash down that pancake. Get back to work! Work. Check. Work. Check. Wor…Pause! The baby isn’t crying. All is quiet. You should be suspicious now.

Slowly crack the door and peek in the baby’s room. Catch him standing in his crib with the curtains pushed aside and his precious little face smashed against the window. Notice how he is wistfully watching the world outside, wishing he was a part of it. Feel like a horrible, neglectful mother. Put down the endless lists.

Take off your yoga pants. Put on your jeans. Dress the baby in warm clothes and a hat. Dig the stroller from the dark recesses of your messy garage. Ignore the spiders and weird smells. If you find this difficult, just remind yourself that you’re doing this for your son and that makes it worth it.

Walk around the neighborhood and soak in the sunshine. Soak in your baby’s joy. Feel refreshed by the crisp autumn air. Let your baby’s smile fall over you like a veil, erasing every other item on your lists. You didn’t accomplish all you'd planned, but you did something more important. 

*Note that this event is unlikely. You made a lot of lists.